There is profit in all hard work,

but endless talk leads only to poverty.

Proverbs 14:23

The first few days of summer break are always revealing. Where are our routines lacking, what do the kids need most in terms of rest, development, and structure, what have they learned from school and what do I need to make sure they learn before returning? We all start strong, and I am sure we will wane as the weeks get longer and hotter, but I like to take inventory and make a plan as a stay-at-home mom.

Without fully realizing how much we needed this, I had the kids make their own chore charts with five chores to do each morning after breakfast. I walked them through each one and showed them how to do it. I organized all the supplies they would need — non-toxic spray, gloves, rags, dusters, sponges, trashbags — on a low shelf for easy access. 

The next morning, there was a small struggle, but mostly excitement. I followed along and made them re-do where necessary, teaching the lesson, “Do it right the first time, or do it twice.” It was good, and maybe even a little helpful to me.

Next, they are doing a few exercises with dad in the mornings to make healthy habits and to help their coordination. They also see Billy and me get our daily movement in, and I hope that instills some long-term health. These drills were pretty painful the first time around, and what should have only taken 20 minutes ended taking over an hour and a long talk at the end.

The gist of the lesson was that not everything has to be fun to be worth doing and to give you a sense of reward once you accomplish it. I have been thinking about this a lot now, and I am more convinced than ever that teaching this generation work ethic and self-control may be more important than it has been in human history.

Think about it: kids have always had to learn to work, whether their parents taught them, or somewhere down the line they had to do something really difficult. Teaching work ethic has always been natural and a part of life.

Today, (and I’m sure past generations of parents have had this thought), there won’t be anything our kids want to do in the real world that will be all that difficult for them. Every answer will be a prompt away in the endless chatter of AI, every task will be easily completed with the help of technology, every pleasure they could want will be at their fingertips. The distance between “I want…” and gratification will be nil.

So what is so important about teaching hard work and delayed gratification when faced with this kind of future? Why say no to any of their whims and face the push-back and the tantrums when we could avoid them altogether? When kids will never have to know denial, or silence, or struggle, I believe it is imperative to guide them through small-scale situations that teach them God is still present in the midst of difficulty; even often best experienced when we do not get what we want.

I have heard parenting logic that goes, “Say no only when you have to, but try to say yes to everything you can.” I don’t agree with this. I think we should say yes only to what is good: what glorifies God, what brings order and defeats chaos, what builds up love, what brings peace, what fosters not fleeting happiness, but deep joy that echoes the “tune we have not heard.” Sometimes, I think kids interpret “no” as a threat to their survival. When a parent continually tells them yes to everything they want and even goes back on a good no, kids learn that their life and identity is upheld by getting their way. They have no confidence in themselves to be able to sit with a no or to change their mind on something. Maybe the most loving thing we can do in these situations is to speak identity into them that shows them they are not their wants.

I hope the lesson my kids learn from me is not, “Your happiness is the most important thing.” To me that is such a sad life, if it is a life at all. I want the lesson they take away from my parenting to be, “God is the joy.” Better is one day in His courts than a thousand elsewhere. Knowing Him is better than anything else, and it doesn’t always come when I get what I want when I want it. In fact, closeness with God happens when we get to the end of ourselves, and if we can’t find any other reward in a grueling effort, a dry season, a hardship, then reaching the end of ourselves will have to be it. 

Knowing God and loving Him happens in the waiting, the longing, the discipline.