At Tables, In Homes

“Every day they…broke bread from house to house. They ate their food with a joyful and humble attitude, praising God and having favor with all the people.”

Acts 2:46-47

Because of new and different social circles that come with the beginning of the school term, I’ve been thinking about community — what it is, what it isn’t — and trying to examine myself — my shortcomings and my intentions.

For so many years, your circles are a given. You play on certain teams, sit with people at lunch every day, or share a dorm or apartment. After that, things start to shift, not only your life circumstances, but your own desires in friendship. There is a C.S. Lewis quote that’s gotten popular recently on social media.

“In friendship…we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another…the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting–any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.”

I’ve been a member of five different churches, and have regularly attended at least eight. Billy and I have been leaders of three different life groups, and have been in at least five. Most of that time, I felt like community was handed to me, a birthright of Christianity. Contrary to Lewis’s words, I have more often than not felt like my friends were gifts of God given to me in perfectly timed ways. I could understand the struggle of someone outside the church finding solid community or likeminded people. But it hasn’t been until the last few years that I’ve started to notice the nuanced ways we choose our people.

Mostly, it has to do with being in the town, the ISD, the church, and even the home and proximity to family that we foresee to be “forever.” It makes you really analyze your relationships and how and with whom you foster them for longevity. To add to that, the busier we get as our kids grow, we simply have to be intentional with the time.

I’ve specifically been thinking about the “why’s” behind community. In the very first pages of Scripture, we learn that it was not good for man to be alone, and that only in joining with another could he realize the full potential of what makes God’s world “very good.” It should be as simple and intuitive as that, but oh how very complicated can community get!

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

Ephesians 6:12

We love the empowerment this verse gives us, but do we pause and meditate on what it’s saying? Is it talking about actually wrestling, or is it alluding to all the insidious ways of “othering” people? Jealousy, gossip, hatred, just a general sense of “they aren’t as important as I am” — these all point to focusing our enmity on other flesh-and-blood people made in God’s image.

Genesis also tells us something important about that. Enmity will be between people (Eve’s offspring) and demons (the serpent’s offspring), not between good people and bad people. That’s not to say people can’t be sinful or hostile, that you don’t need to protect yourself and your family from harm, but the struggle isn’t ultimately against humans — it’s against spiritual forces of evil.

I bring this up in the context of changing communities because of different situations that have come up and caused me to question, “Okay, why are we doing this?” (Probably a good question to ask in every situation.) Why do I “do life” (as church people like to say) with these people, but not with these? Again, it’s all God’s sovereign hand, but why is He putting you at tables and in homes with these specific people? Is it because you can look at them and the similarities of their circumstances and compare them to yours, be envious when they seem to do it better, make sure I’m known and understood and agreed with, approve or disapprove of their choices, or feel prideful that you’re not in that group?

Aren’t these ways we “wrestle” against others in our day and age, especially women who would never actual wrestle someone unless it was to protect her own children from a creepy old man on aisle 8? In church, it’s never physical, and it’s rarely even overt. It’s all the mind battles that wear you down. Wouldn’t you rather just feel genuine brotherly and sisterly affection for the people you are with majority of the time?

How do we fight our real enemy? We start by asking what he really wants, and that is God’s glory. And how do we make sure he doesn’t get that? By glorifying and enjoying God. How do we glorify God? By loving Him and doing what He commands. And what does He command? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.

Father, give your children genuine love, mercy, and unity among them — the kind that to the the rest of the world is like peering in on a family having dinner at the table, in a home full of the warmth of a true affection.